Want to live longer? Try forgiveness

We often think of forgiveness as a gift we give to others. But what if it's actually a radical act of self-care?

Forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning harm, forgetting what happened, or minimizing pain. Rather, it’s the process of releasing ourselves from the emotional weight of resentment, bitterness, and unresolved hurt. In that release, we gain something precious: emotional freedom. And, as it turns out, possibly even a longer, healthier life.

The Emotional Weight of Holding On

Unforgiven wounds often turn inward. We ruminate, replay conversations, and keep old injuries alive in our nervous systems. Over time, that inner turbulence can show up as chronic stress—impacting sleep, digestion, mood, and relationships. The emotional cost is real, and so is the physical toll.

Holding onto resentment activates our stress response system—the fight, flight, or freeze reaction meant for short-term survival. But when it’s always humming in the background, our bodies pay the price.

What Forgiveness Frees Us From

Forgiveness creates space. Space for clarity, for peace, for moving forward. It disentangles us from the pain someone else caused and gives us back control over our own emotional state. It’s not always easy—especially when the hurt runs deep or the other person is unrepentant—but it's a path worth walking.

Forgiveness can bring relief from:

• Persistent anger and resentment

• Intrusive thoughts about the past

• Self-protective emotional numbness

• Tension in the body and hypervigilance

• Feelings of helplessness or being “stuck”

When we forgive, we aren’t saying what happened was okay. We’re saying we’re okay to move forward.

The Science: Forgiveness and Longevity

Emerging research suggests a strong link between forgiveness and physical health. Studies show that people who practice forgiveness have lower blood pressure, reduced risk of heart disease, and better immune function. Perhaps most strikingly, they also tend to live longer.

A 2011 study published in Journal of Behavioral Medicine found that people who scored higher on forgiveness scales had significantly lower mortality risk, even after controlling for other health factors. The benefits were especially pronounced in those who reported having experienced significant emotional hurt.

Why? Forgiveness lowers chronic stress. It soothes the nervous system, reduces inflammatory responses in the body, and improves emotional regulation—all critical components of long-term health.

Forgiveness as a Practice

Forgiveness isn’t always a one-time event. It can be a layered, evolving practice. Sometimes we have to revisit it again and again, especially when new memories surface or when wounds feel freshly raw.

Some gentle steps toward forgiveness might include:

• Writing an unsent letter expressing what you felt and what you needed.

• Acknowledging the grief of what happened—not just the anger.

• Practicing self-forgiveness for the ways you may have coped or responded.

• Using somatic tools (like breathwork or gentle movement) to release tension.

• Talking it through with a therapist or trusted friend.

You don’t have to do it all at once. Even small acts of letting go can be deeply healing.

In the End: Forgiveness Is for You

When we forgive, we loosen the grip the past has on us. We lighten our emotional load. We open the door to peace—not because others deserve it, but because we do. And with that peace often comes better sleep, clearer thinking, more connected relationships, and yes—even a longer life.

Forgiveness won’t change the past, but it will change how the past lives in you.